When we picture life abroad, we often think of excitement, adventure, and fresh opportunities. And those things are real. But what often goes unspoken is the quiet, persistent grief that comes with it — the birthdays we miss, the friendships we leave behind, and the time with loved ones we’ll never get back.
I learned this firsthand. On my third relocation — this time across the world to Guatemala — I was unprepared for the grief that settled in just months after my arrival. The move was what I wanted, a life I’d dreamed about and worked toward for years. I had chosen this path, and it was full of adventure.
And yet, after spending precious time with my family in Australia and becoming an aunt for the first time, the reality of distance sank in. Living far from my aging parents and newborn niece, knowing I could only see them once a year, I felt the ache of moments I would miss forever.
I also grieved the loss of my closest friendships in Cambodia, where I had spent years building a life. The morning coffees, the spontaneous drinks after work, the weekends away — these friends had become my chosen family. And suddenly, those daily rhythms of connection were gone.
As a therapist working with expats and professionals abroad, I hear these themes again and again: grief, loss, and the weight of time we can’t reclaim. The solution isn’t as simple as “just go home.” Because often, like me, people want to be where they are. Instead, the challenge is how to carry this grief while continuing to live fully.
Coping with Expat Grief Through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
One therapeutic approach that offers guidance here is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). At its heart, ACT teaches that difficult emotions like grief, guilt, or longing aren’t something to “get rid of” or change. Instead, they are part of our human story. When we try to push them away, we’re often telling ourselves: “It’s not okay to feel this way. It’s not okay to be me.”
ACT invites us to do the opposite: to make space for these feelings and carry them with compassion. They don’t define us, but they do travel with us.
Another cornerstone of ACT is living by our values. Values aren’t goals we achieve — they’re ongoing directions in life, like signposts. When we’re clear on what matters most, we can keep moving toward it, even when grief tugs us off course.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
For expats and migrants, grief and values often collide. If connection with family and friends is a core value, the question becomes: how can I honor that value, even from afar?
Some ideas:
- Create rituals of connection. Schedule regular calls or send weekly voice notes. Find creative ways to celebrate milestones across time zones.
- Be intentional with visits. When you do see loved ones, commit to being present rather than distracted by what’s next.
- Honor your grief. Write letters (sent or unsent) to acknowledge the time you’re missing. Give space to the sadness rather than trying to “fix” it.
- Build local roots. Part of grief is missing the closeness of daily friendships. Seek out expat or local communities, volunteer, or create small traditions that foster belonging.
- Balance presence and absence. While you may never escape the ache of distance, you can also ground yourself in the life you’re actively choosing and creating.
Living with Both Joy and Grief
Grief doesn’t disappear simply because you chose this life abroad. But it also doesn’t erase the joy, growth, and meaning of your expat journey. Both can coexist.
By accepting grief as part of the story, and by continually returning to your values, you can live with more authenticity — building a life that feels both expansive and connected, even across oceans.
And if you’re finding expat grief particularly heavy, know you don’t have to carry it alone. Online counselling can be a supportive space to process these feelings and find ways to live more fully, wherever in the world you are.