Something many of my clients come to counselling struggling with is the deep ache of living far from their country of origin. They have built fulfilling lives abroad with careers, families, friendships and communities. Yet when they return home for a visit, they often feel a sense of ease and belonging that seems hard to replicate elsewhere.
This can bring up the difficult question: Am I simply nostalgic, or is this a sign I need to move back?
Visiting Home
For many, stepping back into the rhythms of home can feel like a deep exhale. The familiar food, the cadence of language, and the small details of daily life such as the corner shops, the smells and the old gathering spots, all contribute to a feeling of connectedness and grounding.
Often, it is not only the place itself but the people and the memories tied to it that provide this sense of belonging. Sadly, a lot of the time what we long for may no longer exist as we remember it. Places evolve, people move on and communities change. Sometimes what we truly miss is not the place itself but who we were in those moments.
Nostalgia or a Deeper Calling?
When the pull to return home feels strong, it is worth pausing to reflect.
Am I remembering with rose tinted glasses? Our minds often edit out the difficulties of the past, leaving only the highlights.
What matters most to me now? Consider your current values and priorities. Where are you more likely to live those values fully, where you are now or back home?
What is truly driving the longing? Is it cultural belonging, family ties, a slower pace of life, or unresolved grief?
This reflection does not provide simple answers, but it can help separate nostalgia from a genuine need for change.
Finding Contentment Away from Home
If moving back is not possible or not the right choice, there are ways to find grounding where you are:
Create small rituals of home. Cooking familiar foods, listening to music from your culture, or marking holidays can bring comfort and continuity.
Stay emotionally connected. Regular calls, video chats, or shared activities with family such as cooking the same meal together across time zones can help bridge the distance.
Build chosen family. Deepen friendships and connections locally to create a supportive and grounding network.
Make space for stillness. Sometimes what we feel when we return home is simply the chance to slow down. Try weaving in moments of stillness, such as walks, journaling or meditation, into your daily life abroad.
Allow the grief. Missing people and places is not a problem to fix. It is a form of love expressed across distance. Like all grief, it may never disappear, but it does become easier to carry.
Moving Forward
Living between cultures and families brings both richness and complexity. It is natural to feel torn, nostalgic or uncertain about where you belong. What matters most is learning to acknowledge these feelings with compassion, reflect honestly on your priorities, and create ways to feel grounded no matter where you are.
Counselling for internationals living abroad
If you find yourself struggling with these feelings and would like to talk with someone who specialises in cultural transitions, identity and belonging, I would love to support you. Find out more about working with me and book a session. You don’t have to go through these difficult feelings alone.